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A journalist who writes for The Telegraph has caused a bit of a stir online after she declared that she was ‘proud’ to be a middle lane driver.
According to Allison Pearson, being in the middle lane is actually the safest place to drive when you are on the motorway.
Naturally, there are many people out there who think otherwise, along with the Police who have this weird habit of penalising drivers who stay in the middle lane for too long.
It might have something to do with the fact that it is bloody dangerous.
She wrote:
It’s not often you find yourself feeling the pain of a white van man, but Ian Stephens deserves the heartfelt support of every Clara (Central Lane Residents’ Association) and Clod (Central Lane Only Drivers). Poor Mr Stephens has been convicted of hogging the middle lane of a motorway and was fined £500 and ordered to pay £440 costs.
What’s wrong with being middle of the road? The middle of the road is an excellent place. It’s the Goldilocks Lane, neither too fast nor too slow. We Claras and Clods sit in the middle lane not because we are hogs, I can assure you, but because it’s the place where you are safest from maniacs.
Take my recent motorway journey to Canterbury. I was in a state of barely containable fury at my fellow drivers (I use the term loosely). Imagine how different Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales would be if the Miller, the Nun’s Priest, the Wife of Bath et al had to make their pilgrimage in a family saloon through the Dartford Tunnel and then negotiate the Toll Booths of Hell. Your columnist was, as always on this nightmare stretch, in the middle lane.
Venture into the outside lane and it won’t be long before some black Terminator cruiser with a bull nose and quiet, understated Third Reich radiator grille is on your tail. At such moments, I long to have a sign light up in my rear window which reads: “I am doing the national speed limit and would prefer to stay alive. So back off!”
Will Terminator Cruiser brake? Like hell he will. Terminator will carry on doing 98mph, as is the right of men driving expensive penis extensions, and force you out of the way, except – oh, God – now there’s no room in the middle lane, where everyone is doing 70mph. So you have no alternative except to put your foot on the floor and break the speed limit, to avoid being mown down.
Safely back in the packed middle lane, you decide to do as the law instructs and get into the inside lane. Indicating, you move to the left and find your car is now the ham in the sandwich of two German juggernauts. Strangely, the driver behind appears not to have read the section of the Highway Code about typical stopping distances.
He doesn’t know you’re supposed to leave the length of at least three cars between you and the vehicle in front. Fritz Juggernaut has left the length of, ooh, at least three frankfurters between his monstrous tank and little you. He is so close that you can see his python tattoo. If you have to break suddenly, your Golf will be one half of a Euro-panini.
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